What’s All of the Complaining About?
A waiter comes to a table where old Jewish women are sitting and says, “Excuse me, ladies. Is everything ok?”
Jews have a history of lawsuits. They complained to Moses that they had no bread, meat, or water.
But complaining isn’t always bad. When we complain to our politicians, that’s sometimes a good thing. It’s also okay to complain to your neighbors about nightly noise or a dog barking incessantly. If you knock on your neighbor’s door to kill him for not mowing his lawn, that’s not okay. If you are calm and explain the situation, most people will understand.
Nowadays people complain about things that are not important. The chimney sweep scene in “Mary Poppins” is racist. Plastic straws are a danger to the environment. And of course, planes ruin the world. As my mother used to say, “People have too much time” or “They have nothing better to do than complain”.
Since the United States is a great country and has basic things like food, water, and shelter, we tend to look for things to complain about. In Sudan you will never hear anyone grumbling that something green is growing out of an onion. I come from a long line of complainants. There were constant complaints about family members, food and of course the weather. One of my uncles said of the day someone died, “He chose the worst day to drop dead. He couldn’t wait until Tuesday? “
There is an old saying, “Be careful what you pray for because you might get it.” Jews pray for rain, but when it rains they complain. “Every time I go on vacation, it never rains.” “Of course it rains, I’ve just washed the car.”
People worry and others worry. “When I drove home from work, I couldn’t see anything. It’s amazing that I wasn’t killed ”or“ I won’t dare. ”They even try to convince others not to go out. “Stay home today. What is so important that you have to go out in this weather? “
“I had an aunt who spent most of her life trying to figure out where the train was coming from.”
People tell you the obvious: “If you go out I guarantee you will get drenched.” They bring illness with them: “Are you looking for pneumonia?” When it rains heavily, they sound as if they were the target of an assassin: “Oh my God, I didn’t think I could make it from the car into the house.” And of course they drag God into it: “A few more days away and we have to build an ark. “
If it doesn’t rain then, of course, they get upset: “I wish it would rain so I could turn off the sprinklers.” Then, after just one rainy day: “It’s enough. When will it stop? “The heat also drives Jews crazy:” It’s better to cool down soon. My AC bill is a fortune. “And then they talk like hell:” Have you been outside? It’s hotter than hell out there . “They throw in cooking cues:” You could fry an egg on the sidewalk. “They bring in non-kosher animals:” I’ve sweated like a pig. “
The wind also drives Jews crazy: “I’m afraid that a tree will fall on the house” or “If the power goes out, everything in the fridge will go bad.” Visiting the beach is also a non-stop terror for Jewish people: “Put on a lot of sunscreen, otherwise you will regret it in 50 years. ”And don’t forget the sand:“ Try not to take half the beach home with you this time ”or“ Thanks to the sand stepping, I have an extra crispy tuna sandwich. ”
You get the point. It is endless what a person can complain and worry about. I had an aunt who spent most of her life trying to figure out where the draft was coming from. She walked around with her hands up, testing the air.
Complaining, worrying, and living in fear cannot ruin your life, but it will certainly make your life less comfortable. I work very hard not to complain about people, places or things. It’s not easy, but I’m getting better – except when it comes to complaining about my wife, of course.
After all, I have to have fun.
Mark Schiff is a comedian, actor and writer.
