UNIDENTIFIED PERSON: The following program was taped in front of an audience of real, live people.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT… DON’T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I’m the disembodied voice with a disembody that just won’t quit…
(LAUGHTER)
KURTIS: …Bill Kurtis. And here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Ill., Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Bill.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Thanks, everybody. Thank you all so much. We really do – you are not going to be disappointed. We have a great show for you today. Later on, we’re going to be joined by Golda Rosheuvel, who plays Queen Charlotte in “Bridgerton” and the new prequel show “Queen Charlotte.” Now, if you’re not familiar with it, “Bridgerton” is the show famous for showing British aristocrats having steamy sex after spending 45 minutes unbuttoning their costumes.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: But it just takes a second to give us a call and play our games. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That’s 1-888-924-8924. Now let’s welcome our first listener contestant.
Hi. You are on WAIT WAIT… DON’T TELL ME.
JENNY: Hi. My name is Jenny (ph). I’m calling from Rutland, Vt.
SAGAL: Rutland, Vt. I know I always say this, but I’ve been to Rutland, and it’s really nice. What do you do there?
JENNY: Oh, well, thank you. I’m actually – I work in refugee resettlement. I – so we’re in an office in Rutland, and we have an office in Colchester, but our headquarters is in Virginia.
SAGAL: In Virginia. OK. And so you get refugees from…
JENNY: Yeah.
SAGAL: …Around the world, I assume, places that are in trouble, and you resettle them. How do they deal with Vermont winters?
(LAUGHTER)
JENNY: It’s really funny you should say that. One of the requirements that we have when we pick people up at the airport is, please bring winter jackets. And in fact, over the last couple days, we went from 80 one day to 35 last night, and it happened to be the day one of our furnaces kicked off in one of the homes of our families. So I was pretending that I knew how to fix the furnace at 7:30 last night because, you know, middle of May, 30 degrees – that makes sense for Vermont.
SAGAL: Right. And do you ever get a call at times like that where somebody says, I’d like to go back to my war-torn land?
(LAUGHTER)
JENNY: No, but they do say, wow, we probably should have just gone to California.
SAGAL: Yeah, I know.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Jenny, welcome to our show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, a comedian you can see at McGuire’s in Bohemia, N.Y., on May 26 – it’s Adam Burke.
ADAM BURKE: Hi, Jenny.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Next, the host of the podcast “Fake The Nation,” where you can now get “Succession” recaps – oh, it’s fun. It’s Negin Farsad.
NEGIN FARSAD: Hello.
(APPLAUSE)
JENNY: Hey, Negin.
SAGAL: And the host of the daily podcast “TBTL” and the public radio variety show “Live Wire,” which will be live back at the Alberta Rose Theatre in Portland, Ore., on June 8, it’s Luke Burbank.
LUKE BURBANK: Hey, Jenny.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Jenny, welcome to the show. Of course, you know this. You’re going to play Who’s Bill This Time. As always, Bill will start us off with three quotations from the week’s news. Your job – correctly identify or explain just two of them – 2 out of 3. Do that – you win any voice from our show you might choose for your voicemail. Ready to do it?
JENNY: Let’s go.
SAGAL: Let’s go. All right. Here’s your first quote.
KURTIS: “I’m not a hairy person, but I got a complete body wax.”
SAGAL: That was somebody talking about how she got ready to be the cover model for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue out this week. Who was it?
JENNY: She looked good, by the way.
(LAUGHTER)
JENNY: Martha Stewart.
SAGAL: Martha Stewart.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Yes.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Isn’t it great that there is an 81-year-old woman, Martha Stewart, on the cover of the swimsuit issue?
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Now octogenarian women have an unrealistic body image they have to aspire to.
(LAUGHTER)
FARSAD: I know. Peter, you’re like, isn’t it great? And, like, it’s not great. I was looking forward to letting it all go.
SAGAL: I know.
(LAUGHTER)
FARSAD: I don’t want to do – I don’t want to look hot. I mean, this is – I’m so upset. She literally looks hot.
SAGAL: I have to say, I agree with you. Ms. Stewart looked great with her sly come-hither and help-me-get-up look.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: With her come-to-stairlift eyes.
SAGAL: Yes, exactly.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: Well, there’s two things. There’s – first of all, clearly, this is – Sports Illustrated have done this because 81-year-olds are the only people who know what a magazine is…
SAGAL: Exactly right.
BURKE: …Anymore.
(LAUGHTER)
FARSAD: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
BURKE: And secondly, everyone started talking – she is a role model. And I think she is a role model for – partially for this but mainly because she’s the CEO of a company who committed malfeasance and actually did her time.
SAGAL: Right.
BURKE: You know what I mean? It’s like…
SAGAL: She’s the first 80-year-old and the first felon…
(APPLAUSE)
BURKE: Yeah.
SAGAL: …To appear.
FARSAD: Well, and that’s why…
SAGAL: Although…
FARSAD: She’s got that prison body. That’s why she’s…
BURKE: Yeah.
FARSAD: …So hot.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: Her tats – she’s all tatted up.
FARSAD: Yeah.
SAGAL: I’m just imagining her in the yard, you know, doing the pull-ups on the bars.
BURBANK: I noticed she did have one teardrop.
(LAUGHTER)
FARSAD: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She had to pick sides. Yeah.
SAGAL: Yeah. All right, Jenny. Your next quote is from an office worker who told NPR this week how he’s going to play hooky from his job.
KURTIS: “I just got to play it cool and say I’ve got a stomach ache or something.”
SAGAL: He was one of many, many people who took time off work and other obligations this week just to play what new video game?
JENNY: Oh, Zelda.
SAGAL: Yes, Zelda.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
JENNY: Yeah.
SAGAL: The new video game Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom is a massive hit. It sold 10 million copies in just three days. That many people haven’t stayed home from work since that game COVID-19 dropped.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: It’s one of those games, too – isn’t it? – where, like, there’s, like, lots – there’s loads of side quests.
SAGAL: Yes.
BURKE: You have to – crafting…
SAGAL: Open world.
BURKE: …And – it’s such the perfect game for now because everyone’s got a main task they want to do and 17 side hustles where it’s just like…
SAGAL: Right. Exactly. It’s, like, you’re trying to save the princess, slay the dragon and also drive Uber at night.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: You know, it’s – I don’t know. Maybe people don’t know it, even – it’s very popular. It’s this very popular, 30-year-old by now game franchise where you, the player, are Link, an elf whose mission is to save Princess Zelda. And you have to complete a long series of quests while spending hundreds of hours of time working to acquire resources and skills. It’s very involving. A lot of people like to take relaxing breaks from the game by going back to their actual jobs.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: It is…
FARSAD: Is Princess Elf, like, 80 now?
SAGAL: Princess Zelda.
FARSAD: Or Princess Zelda.
BURKE: And she looks amazing.
FARSAD: Is she…
SAGAL: She looks amazing.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Sometimes, people are like, well, you know, video games – what’s the big deal? They’re just, like, video games for nerds. No, it sold 10 million copies in less than a week. For comparison, Prince Harry’s memoir, which is one of the best-selling books of all time, sold 3 million copies in its first week. And he was trying to destroy a kingdom. So…
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: This one’s called Tears of the Kingdom. The last one was called Breath of the Wild.
SAGAL: Yeah.
BURKE: They’re clearly meant for stoners.
SAGAL: Yes.
BURKE: I mean, if you guys are real quiet, you can hear the wild breathing…
BURBANK: Right.
BURKE: …Man.
BURBANK: Right.
FARSAD: Is it one of those games – ’cause my – I have somewhere in my memory the notion that people get so into them that they just keep jars of urine, like, next to them so they don’t have to go to the bathroom.
BURKE: It’s called Mountain Dew.
FARSAD: OK.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: It’s called, you better hope that’s Mountain Dew.
SAGAL: Negin, I don’t know. But I’m guessing that somebody just really didn’t want you to come over while they were playing video games.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Oh, no, Negin. Yeah. You don’t want to be around us. We pee in jars. Really, it’s…
BURKE: Hey.
FARSAD: I know.
BURKE: Hey. What’s that in the jar? Oh, that’s just the tears of the kingdom.
SAGAL: Yeah.
BURKE: That’s what that is.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: All right, Jenny. Here is your last quote.
KURTIS: “People in winter coats were standing next to people in shorts.”
SAGAL: That was from a New York Times style reporter talking about how this year, just like every year at this time, people have no idea how to dress for what?
JENNY: Every single day I wake up.
(LAUGHTER)
JENNY: Spring.
SAGAL: Yes, spring, of course.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: The New York Times, paper of record…
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: …Gray Lady – they finally said out loud what we’re all thinking – spring is just impossible to dress for. This is what we get for trusting a groundhog to tell us what to wear.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: The reporter said that in the streets of New York, he saw people on the same day, same time, wearing anything from shorts to winter coats, some carrying umbrellas while others carried their own broken pieces of furniture to burn for heat.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Is this something that resonates with you guys? Is this a problem you have?
BURKE: I wear what I wear every spring, just a tub full of Benadryl over my head.
SAGAL: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Why do people worry about this? I mean, it’s not like spring will hurt you. Nobody dies of mild bite. Nobody passes out from breeze stroke.
FARSAD: All right.
SAGAL: All right.
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: There had to be a third one.
BURKE: Yeah. Yeah. The – I will say one of my favorite phrases about the weather is – like, is an Irish phrase – you know the Irish phrase. We’ll talk about it being fierce mild.
SAGAL: No, is that a thing?
BURKE: Yeah, like, how is it out there? Oh, it’s fierce mild.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I – you could look me in the eye and tell me anything about, like…
BURKE: (Laughter).
SAGAL: The Irish or their sayings…
FARSAD: Yeah.
SAGAL: …And I would believe it.
BURKE: Yeah.
SAGAL: You know – oh yeah, you know what they say in Ireland – a day like this, the flying bananas are out.
BURBANK: Right.
BURKE: Hey…
FARSAD: What…
BURKE: …You leave the flying bananas out of this.
BURBANK: Speaking of flying bananas, fierce mild is how my lovemaking has been described.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: That’s a – it’s a great name for a cologne, isn’t it?
SAGAL: Bill, how did Jenny do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Jenny, you can warm up with a perfect score.
SAGAL: Congratulations, Jenny.
FARSAD: Yeah.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: And thank you for the good work that you do.
JENNY: Thank you.
SAGAL: Take care. Bye-bye.
JENNY: Bye.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
SAGAL: Right now, panel, it is time, of course, for you to answer some questions about this week’s news. Adam, according to a story in The Guardian, members of Gen Z are now relieving their daily stress simply by doing what?
BURKE: Gen Z has daily stress?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: And by the way, I should – I know.
FARSAD: They don’t know what to wear. It’s spring.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Yeah. I should specify, by the way, these are American members of Gen Z.
BURKE: Can I get a clue?
SAGAL: Yeah. Oh, just going to pop round the chip shop, guv’nor.
BURBANK: Father?
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: Don’t make me homesick. Do they put on accents?
SAGAL: Yes. They put on a fake British accent…
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: …To feel better.
BURKE: Really?
SAGAL: Yeah. This started as a TikTok trend, became a big deal – all these young Americans demonstrating how they use fake British accents in moments of stress.
FARSAD: What?
SAGAL: One person told The Guardian that she had to ask her boss for help with dealing with stress on the job by saying to him – and I quote her, “It’s affecting me mental health, innit.”
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: And then she said…
BURBANK: In fairness, she was working as a chimney sweep.
SAGAL: There you are.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: And then she said, quote, “The tougher the conversation, the more Cockney I become,” unquote.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Which, by the way, happens to be a great way to guarantee you will get help for your mental health.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: Is this why Dick Van Dyke is consistently the most relaxed man on the planet?
SAGAL: Exactly.
FARSAD: (Laughter).
SAGAL: It does make perfect sense because the one thing you know about the people with real British accents – they’re one laid-back group of people, right?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Adam, you’re Irish. I’m sure you’re soothed by the sound of a British accent.
BURKE: (Laughter) Yeah, I use it to go to sleep. It’s the whitest noise.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, “CHIM CHIM CHER-EE”)
DICK VAN DYKE: (As Bert, singing) Chim chiminey, chim chiminey, chim chim cher-ee.
SAGAL: Coming up, your next binge watch may surprise you. It’s our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play. We’ll be back in a minute with more of WAIT WAIT… DON’T TELL ME from NPR.
KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT… DON’T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I’m Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Negin Farsad, Luke Burbank and Adam Burke. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Ill., Peter Sagal.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Thank you so much, Bill. Right now, it is time for the WAIT WAIT… DON’T TELL ME Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi. You are on WAIT WAIT… DON’T TELL ME.
JACK WALSH: Hello. This is Jack Walsh (ph) from Farmingdale, N.J.
SAGAL: Hey, how are things in my home state of New Jersey?
WALSH: Um, you know…
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Now, hold on. That is the official answer.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: In fact, that is the state motto of New Jersey.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Ready? Here it goes. New Jersey – um.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Jack, welcome to the show. You’re going to play the game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Jack’s topic?
KURTIS: Must-see TV.
SAGAL: With the strike of television writers going on without an end, it’s quite possible that soon, all your favorite TV shows will just be very attractive people grunting at each other. So we were excited this week when we found out about a really amazing hit TV show coming from an unexpected place. Each of our panelists are going to tell you about that show. Only one of them is telling the truth. Your job – figure that out. Ready to go?
WALSH: All righty. Let’s get moving.
SAGAL: All right. First, let’s hear from Adam Burke.
BURKE: Britain’s Open University has offered free televised college lectures on the BBC since 1969. They basically walked so that Phoenix Online could run. And these old educational shows were a fixture of U.K. daytime TV for decades. However, these dusty courses from the ’70s are experiencing a brand-new lease of life thanks to a fervent Gen Z fandom in South Korea, where some of these teachers are becoming fashion icons, cult figures and, in some cases, sex symbols. I first heard about this from my granddaughter, said Malcolm Branforth (ph), a retired physics lecturer from Barnsley. She said, Grandad, you’re blowing up on TikTok. Well, once I had deciphered most of the words in that sentence, I was quite surprised to see what a big deal we all were. The hushed, measured tones of the programs combined with the far-out threads of the era seems to have made the videos a hit for different reasons. My friends like to use Introduction to Trigonometry: Level 4 as ASMR, explained Suh Young Boon (ph) a 20-year-old from Daegu. But I just find professor Brian Pilkington (ph) to be dreamy. And those sideburns.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Old BBC college lectures from the ’70s becoming a cult hit in Korea. Your next story of television with vision comes from Negin Farsad.
FARSAD: Marley Trenton (ph) was a happily married homemaker in Wilmette, Ill., a suburb of Skokie, a town that does not require a suburb.
(LAUGHTER)
FARSAD: Marley had a side hustle as a seamstress who loved and collected buttons. In fact, she had a YouTube show all about buttons – two-hole, four-hole, shank, toggle and even the occasional snap. Her tens of viewers could only be described…
(LAUGHTER)
FARSAD: …As retired home ec teachers from the 1960s and sociopaths that YouTube’s algorithm can’t figure out.
(LAUGHTER)
FARSAD: Nevertheless, she continued her deeply unpopular show until one day, she announced that she was getting a divorce because, yes, Harry had cheated with the pediatric dentist they used to take the kids to in Skokie, a town that barely merits a pediatric dentist.
(LAUGHTER)
FARSAD: What ensued was a YouTube series in which she talked revenge, set up a Hinge dating profile and let viewers choose who she would date. Viewers were addicted to the voting power. She was changed by it all, too. You would find her saying things like, I’d like him to put a needle through my button hole.
(LAUGHTER)
FARSAD: And oh, yeah, no matter how saucy her dating life gets, she still talks about buttons. Needless to say, this is the No. 1 button-based divorcee audience-voted dating show on YouTube.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: A seamstress becomes a romantic heroine on YouTube. And your last story of something new to watch comes from Luke Burbank.
BURBANK: Move over, “Succession.” There’s a new hit show that’s become mandatory viewing for its fans. And we mean that literally because it’s actually mandatory viewing if you’re one of the 220,000 people who work for Microsoft. We’re talking, of course, of the employee training video series “Trust Code.” As the Wall Street Journal recently explained, the series follows a character named Nelson, played by Devin Badoo, who gets up to all kinds of non-Microsoft-approved hijinks, such as feeding customer data into AI and stealing intellectual property. There are watch parties and T-shirts with Nelson’s face on them. Here is a real tweet featured in the Wall Street Journal article. Current status – #sobbing while watching #MicrosoftStandardsOfBusinessConduct.”
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: Badoo says he gets one of two reactions when he sets foot on Microsoft’s Redmond, Wash., campus – employees either freaking out upon meeting their version of Brad Pitt or people saying, hi, Nelson; what building do you work in? – showing their deep misunderstanding of how acting works…
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: …And indicating they should really go back and retake the training videos.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: All right.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: So one of these surprise hits created their own little mini golden age of television. Was it from Adam Burke, old BBC college lectures becoming a cult hit in South Korea; from Negin, a seamstress from the lovely town of Skokie becomes a romantic heroine as viewers enjoy her dating life; or from Luke, a Microsoft training video series becomes a huge hit with Microsoft employees? Which of these is the real story of a television hit?
WALSH: You know, my choice is the wonderful story that came out of Microsoft’s training videos.
SAGAL: All right. You’re going to choose Luke’s story.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: We – to bring you the correct answer, we spoke to the reporter who broke this story, at least for us.
DYLAN TOKAR: Microsoft wanted to sort of revamp their compliance training and make it more entertaining, and it turned into such a huge thing that they’re now going into their seventh season.
SAGAL: That’s true. That was Dylan Tokar, the reporter for The Wall Street Journal who brought us this story of Microsoft’s “Trust Code,” which, I guess if they don’t resolve the strike, you’ll be able to see on HBO next year?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Congratulations, Jack. You got it right. Well done.
(APPLAUSE)
WALSH: Thank you. Take care.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, “57 CHANNELS (AND NOTHIN’ ON)”)
BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN: (Singing) Well, now, home entertainment was my baby’s wish, so I hopped into town for a satellite dish.
SAGAL: And now the game where we ask accomplished people to accomplish one more little thing. It’s called Not My Job. The Netflix show “Bridgerton” debuted in 2020 and became an immediate sensation, depicting a version of Regency England populated by incredibly attractive and often naked people of all races and backgrounds. The most beloved character on that show quickly became Queen Charlotte, played by the veteran theater actress Golda Rosheuvel – so much so that that character now has her own spinoff, “Queen Charlotte,” the name of the show. Golda Rosheuvel, welcome to WAIT WAIT… DON’T TELL ME.
(APPLAUSE)
GOLDA ROSHEUVEL: Thank you. Thank you.
SAGAL: We’re so delighted to talk to you. And I’ve been watching your shows all week. Now, out of all the characters in “Bridgerton” – and there are a lot of wonderful characters, why do you think that it was your character, played by you the whole three seasons, who got the spinoff show?
ROSHEUVEL: I have no idea. It’s a puzzlement. But the fans have really loved this character and have really kind of connected with her, which is fabulous. And it’s really great that Shonda and Netflix kind of wanted to do a deeper dive and find out a little bit more about her.
SAGAL: She is an amazing character, but I think we all need to say that one of the reasons the people love you are the wigs, which are…
ROSHEUVEL: Yes, the wigs and the costumes. They’re iconic, aren’t they?
SAGAL: Oh, they’re amazing. And for those who haven’t seen it, your first entrance in Episode 1 is not, in fact, an entrance – your first appearance – and you’re there in this magnificent gown and a hairpiece, a wig that must be two feet wide by three feet high. This is an astonishing thing.
ROSHEUVEL: (Laughter) Yes.
SAGAL: And I’m like, of course, people are coming to her because she is the regal queen. And also…
ROSHEUVEL: And she cannot move.
SAGAL: …She cannot move. Right.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Is that true? I imagine that a lot of times, you’re sort of staged, certainly in “Bridgerton,” in that regal way because you literally can’t move wearing that getup. Is that true?
ROSHEUVEL: It is difficult on occasions, yeah, the kind of balance. Balancing and walking and talking and sitting can be quite difficult. But it’s real fun. I love it. I love it. I love the challenge.
SAGAL: The first time they showed you one of those wigs, were you like, am I supposed to wear that on my head or climb inside it?
ROSHEUVEL: (Laughter) Yeah, exactly. Is there a little house in there for me to reside in?
(LAUGHTER)
ROSHEUVEL: Yeah.
SAGAL: Do the other actors who are also dressed, but they don’t have those amazing wigs – do they all, like, make fun of you, like, between takes? Like, oh, we’re going to walk around and go to the bathroom with no problem. You’re just going to have to sit there.
ROSHEUVEL: Yeah, exactly. I – yes, I have a helper that takes me to the bathroom.
SAGAL: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I imagine, like, you have to have a retinue like the real Queen Charlotte just to hold your head up.
ROSHEUVEL: Yeah, well, the lovely, lovely crew members made me a brace – a neck brace.
SAGAL: Oh, wow. Really?
FARSAD: Oh, my God.
SAGAL: So you can hold up your head.
ROSHEUVEL: Yeah. True story. True story. So I can, yeah, hold my head and balance my chin on the neck brace to kind of keep the weight off the back of my neck.
SAGAL: Yeah.
BURKE: Can I ask, do the wigs get larger as the character ages? Like, does it start off with a small wig? And are the neck braces…
ROSHEUVEL: Yeah, I don’t know whether it’s aging, but they did certainly age me, Golda.
(LAUGHTER)
ROSHEUVEL: But they do get bigger and bigger. Yeah. I think in “Queen Charlotte,” there’s a record-breaking wig, so – I’m ashamed to say I never weighed it.
SAGAL: I imagine, though – I haven’t gotten it to yet, but I imagine in “Queen Charlotte” when she gets her first enormous wig, it’s like Luke getting his lightsaber. Everybody’s like, oh.
ROSHEUVEL: Yeah (laughter).
SAGAL: He comes into his own. We were wondering – people talk about the Shondaverse, which is the world of all her TV shows. Is “Bridgerton” part of it? Like, is it possible that one of the Featherington girls might marry McSteamy?
(LAUGHTER)
ROSHEUVEL: Ooh, I’m sure one of the Feathering girls would love that. That would be a cool crossover.
SAGAL: It would be.
ROSHEUVEL: We should do that. We should pitch that, Peter.
SAGAL: Yeah.
ROSHEUVEL: We should pitch that to Shonda.
SAGAL: Let’s do it.
ROSHEUVEL: I think she’d be up for that, mate.
SAGAL: Yeah. Suck on that, “Infinity War.” The greatest crossover event of all time.
(LAUGHTER)
ROSHEUVEL: Yeah.
SAGAL: I have to ask this one last question before we move on to the game, which is – “Bridgerton” is famous for a lot of things and beloved for a lot of things, but it is also known for its sex scenes, which happen quite a bit. When you least expect it…
ROSHEUVEL: Yes.
SAGAL: …You’re thinking, oh, it’s a Jane Austen novel, and the next thing you know, the corsets are flying, and…
ROSHEUVEL: Yes.
SAGAL: …Everybody’s naked. Are – how relieved are you that you haven’t had to do one of those?
ROSHEUVEL: Listen.
(LAUGHTER)
ROSHEUVEL: Listen. So…
(LAUGHTER)
ROSHEUVEL: So there is a world where I’m slightly jealous. You know, you kind of think, why not me?
SAGAL: Right.
(LAUGHTER)
ROSHEUVEL: And…
SAGAL: When it comes to – speaking of…
ROSHEUVEL: …Then you kind of – then you actually see the show, and you go, oh, that’s why not me.
(LAUGHTER)
FARSAD: Wait. Can I say, Golda, that I watched Season 1 of “Bridgerton” with my parents…
ROSHEUVEL: Ooh.
FARSAD: …Not knowing?
SAGAL: Yeah, you were like, oh, it’s a costume drama. How lovely. What’s the worst they can do?
FARSAD: Literally just thought they were going to have corsets on the whole time.
ROSHEUVEL: Yeah.
FARSAD: Is…
ROSHEUVEL: Were you making lots of coffee or lots of tea – going out to make lots of – yeah.
FARSAD: Oh, I constantly had to go pee.
ROSHEUVEL: (Laughter).
FARSAD: It was a nightmare. They seemed completely fine and super into it. And I was like…
(LAUGHTER)
FARSAD: …I want to kill myself. But…
SAGAL: That makes it worse, of course.
FARSAD: I haven’t dipped into “Queen Charlotte” yet. I’m assuming this is an also no-parent-in-the-room show.
SAGAL: Yes.
FARSAD: Yes, OK.
SAGAL: That would be true.
ROSHEUVEL: Yes.
(LAUGHTER)
FARSAD: Just checking.
ROSHEUVEL: Yes.
SAGAL: That would be true.
ROSHEUVEL: Yeah. Well, Golda Rosheuvel, it’s a joy to watch you on TV, but it’s also a pleasure to have you here. And we have invited you here to play a game that we’re calling…
KURTIS: Queen Charlotte, meet Dairy Queen.
SAGAL: You play…
ROSHEUVEL: Oh.
SAGAL: …The English monarch, the English queen.
ROSHEUVEL: Yes.
SAGAL: So we thought we’d ask you about Dairy Queen. That is a chain…
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: …Of restaurants here in America and else…
ROSHEUVEL: Yes.
SAGAL: …And other places around the world that specialize in soft serve ice cream. Answer two out of 3 questions and you will win our prize for one of our contestants, the voice of anyone they might choose. Bill, who is Golda playing for?
KURTIS: Kyle Evans (ph) of Cleveland, Ohio.
SAGAL: All right.
ROSHEUVEL: OK, Kyle. Let’s do it, bro.
SAGAL: There you go, man.
ROSHEUVEL: I’m going to do it. Come on, Kyle. I’m doing it for Kyle.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: First question – people love Dairy Queen. They do. But you can, in fact, love it too much as when a man in Canada did what in 2021? A, he remodeled his home into an exact replica of a Dairy Queen franchise, forcing him to move out to avoid all the frustrated customers, B, he landed a helicopter in a Dairy Queen parking lot just to pick up an ice cream cake, or C, blew up his house trying to recreate the secret DQ recipe in his basement?
ROSHEUVEL: Let’s say B, helicopter.
SAGAL: That’s right, Golda.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: That’s what he did.
(APPLAUSE)
ROSHEUVEL: We’re getting it, Kyle. We’re doing it, Kyle.
SAGAL: He got one charge of illegal operation of an aircraft and, of course, one ice cream cake. All right. Next question. Dairy Queen tells its employees to show off how thick their blizzard milkshakes are by flipping the cup upside down before handing it to the customer. That practice, as charming as it is, has caused some problems like what? Is it A, Some customers think they have to eat it while holding it upside down…
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: …Resulting in neck strain, B, every 1,000th or so time it’s done, the ice cream does drop out and break someone’s toe, or C, one employee couldn’t shake that habit when they moved on to another fast food job and kept dumping things onto the floor.
(LAUGHTER)
ROSHEUVEL: (Laughter) Oh, I want it to be C, please.
SAGAL: It is C. This was…
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
ROSHEUVEL: Yeah.
SAGAL: …Of course…
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: …Captured on social media like everything is these days. The employee in question handed a soda to a customer in her new job. But of course, before, as she had always done at Dairy Queen, turned it over and dumped the entire thing.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: All right. If you get this, you will be as perfect in real life as you are on your television shows. Last question – there was a Dairy Queen in Atlanta with a celebrated regular customer. Who was it? A, the actor, director and producer Tyler Perry, who paid Dairy Queen the equivalent of a day’s worth of sales every day just so that he could be the only customer and not wait in line, B, an orangutan who loved their food and knew how to get there from the zoo, or C, a bank robber who came by every day, finally got arrested, and then broke out of prison to come by one more time.
ROSHEUVEL: Ah, Tyler Perry.
SAGAL: You’re going to go with Tyler Perry. I believe Tyler Perry would do that. But to my knowledge, he hasn’t. It was the orangutan.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: His name was Chantek the orangutan. He lived at the Atlanta Zoo for many years, and he loved outings. He loved Dairy Queen, and he knew how to get there. You could get in the car with him, and he’d point that way. Dairy Queen.
ROSHEUVEL: Wow. Cool. Good. Good boy.
SAGAL: Yeah.
ROSHEUVEL: I like it.
SAGAL: Good…
BURKE: What?
SAGAL: It’s true.
BURKE: What do you mean you could get in the car with him?
SAGAL: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: What? You just breezed by that…
SAGAL: Yeah.
BURKE: …Like we all know about orangutan field trips from the zoo.
SAGAL: Exactly. Well, how do you think they get to…
ROSHEUVEL: Was he driving?
BURKE: (Laughter).
SAGAL: How do you think – Adam, how do you think they get to the zoo from home?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, how did Golda do on our quiz?
KURTIS: My Queen…
(LAUGHTER)
KURTIS: …You won two out of three, which is a win. That means you can still have the jewels.
(APPLAUSE)
ROSHEUVEL: Thank you. Thank you. Tipping my bowler. Thank you.
SAGAL: Oh, no, ma’am. We do that for you. Golda Rosheuvel is the titular queen in Netflix’s “Queen Charlotte: A Bridgerton Story.” It’s streaming now. Golda Rosheuvel, what a joy to talk to you in real life.
ROSHEUVEL: Mwah.
SAGAL: Thank you so much for joining us…
(APPLAUSE)
ROSHEUVEL: Thank you.
SAGAL: …On WAIT WAIT… DON’T TELL ME. Take care.
ROSHEUVEL: Much love. Bye.
SAGAL: Bye-bye.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
SAGAL: In just a minute, why you just can’t seem to burp. It’s our Listener Limerick challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We’ll be back in a minute with more of WAIT WAIT… DON’T TELL ME from NPR.
KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT… DON’T TELL ME! the NPR news quiz. I’m Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Negin Farsad, Luke Burbank and Adam Burke.
(APPLAUSE)
KURTIS: And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Ill., Peter Sagal.
SAGAL: Thank you so much, Bill.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: In just a minute, Bill asks, have you rhymed with us before? Well, we do things a little bit differently here. If you’d like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That’s 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, time for some more questions for you from the week’s news. Luke, a self-styled anti-capitalist cafe in Toronto that let customers pay what they can for their coffee has closed. Why?
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: I mean, a few theories come to mind.
SAGAL: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: I’m guessing it was not profitable enough to continue.
SAGAL: Yes. They didn’t make enough money.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: It was called the Anarchist Coffee Shop. They described itself as, quote, “an anti-capitalist, anti-colonial cafe shop and radical community space on stolen land.” I guess there wasn’t enough space on the sign for polyamorous, but you know they tried.
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: If I ever ran for president, it would be on this platform. If there’s more than four people in line at the coffee shop, your new order is black coffee, right?
SAGAL: Right.
BURBANK: Like, I just feel there should be a separate line – I would have gone to this cafe if they would have let you pay – like, you know those tolls where it’s just, like, electronic? – if you could just skip to the front of the line and get your black coffee, ’cause that’s all I drink.
SAGAL: Yeah.
BURKE: Well, surely you should be allowed to jump to the head of the line ’cause it’s an anarchist…
SAGAL: Yeah, exactly.
BURKE: …Coffee shop.
SAGAL: There’s no order.
FARSAD: Yeah, there’s no…
SAGAL: It’s self-organizing.
BURKE: Maybe it’s so anarchic that what’s in the cup isn’t coffee. Like, I just open up, and it’s bees. And it’s like, well…
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: …Read the sign.
SAGAL: Negin, question for you – Taco Bell and the less well-known chain Taco John’s are in a heated legal dispute right now over who gets to use what phrase?
FARSAD: Something at the border. What is – what was it?
(LAUGHTER)
FARSAD: First of all, never heard of Taco John’s. I need a hint.
SAGAL: Right. Well, it’s something you’d expect Taco Bell to want to say once a week.
FARSAD: Once a week…
SAGAL: For example, on Tuesdays.
(LAUGHTER)
FARSAD: Right. Like, OK, Taco Bell, because it’s Taco Tuesdays.
SAGAL: Yes. Taco Tuesday is the phrase.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: It turns out that the restaurant Taco John’s trademarked the phrase Taco Tuesday back in 1989. But Taco Bell has filed to get that trademark lifted so they can use it, too, right? Taco Tuesday – it’s a natural. They’re just mad because all of their trademark days never caught on. What were they thinking with Taco Holocaust Remembrance Day?
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: I got to say, if I’m going to put a man’s name after the word taco to let people know I make really good tacos, I’m not going with John.
SAGAL: Yeah, I – like you…
BURKE: Was Taco Clarence taken?
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: Where’d you get food from? Taco Eugene’s.
SAGAL: No, Taco John’s – I have never heard of it either. It doesn’t sound like a different restaurant than Taco Bell. It sounds like something you say as you are leaving Taco Bell. Hey, guys, be right with you. I got to hit the taco john.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Adam, this week CNBC reported on the travel agency Discover Africa – do a lot of African trips and safaris. They repeatedly have to tell clients that no, they cannot do what while they’re on safari?
BURKE: Take an orangutan to Dairy Queen.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Even if the orangutan wants to go, you can’t do it.
BURKE: You can’t recreate the opening to “The Lion King.” You can’t hold a cub over the thing…
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: …While a bunch of people sing. I was so – I was actually kind of sure that was going to be the right answer.
FARSAD: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that sounds right.
BURKE: Can I get a clue?
SAGAL: It does involve a lion. They’re like, do you see any saddles?
BURKE: Oh, you can’t – oh, yeah. You can’t ride a lion.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: They have to tell people you cannot ride a lion while on safari. This week, Discover Africa revealed some of the most ridiculous questions they get asked by clients, with the No. 1 being, hey, can my kid go ride a lion?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: The answer is obviously no, which is a shame, because the No. 1 question the lions have been asking is, hey, can we go eat that kid?
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: To be clear, riding a lion should only ever be used as a euphemism for snorting Adderall.
SAGAL: Exactly.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: They say they get a lot of ridiculous requests from clients, which they blame partially on social media influencers who make everything on their trips seem perfect, and also on the fact that people are terrible.
BURKE: (Laughter).
SAGAL: This is true. One person who goes on an African safari demanded that on their bed – on his bed, that he has a foam pillow on the left side and a feather pillow on the right. And one night in the middle of the night, he called the company and said, the pillows are on the wrong sides.
BURBANK: Sir, can we offer you a free lion ride?
SAGAL: Exactly.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, “THE LION SLEEPS TONIGHT”)
THE TOKENS: (Vocalizing).
SAGAL: Coming up, it’s Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first, it’s the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you’d like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That’s 1-888-924-8924. Or you can catch us live here most weeks at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago. And we will be in New Orleans with special guest John Goodman next week on May 25. We’ll be in Portland, Ore., on July 20 and in Ann Arbor, Mich., on August 31. Hi. You’re on WAIT WAIT… DON’T TELL ME.
LYNN: Hi, my name is Lynn (ph). And I’m calling from Bellingham, Wash.
SAGAL: Bellingham, Wash. That’s great. Right near Seattle, right?
LYNN: It’s about an hour and a half up the 5, but yeah, close enough.
SAGAL: Close enough.
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: Lynn, I used to live in Bellingham.
LYNN: Yeah, I believe I’ve heard that before.
BURBANK: OK, sorry. I’ll get a new story.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Well, Lynn, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you’ll be a winner. You ready to play?
LYNN: Absolutely.
SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.
KURTIS: When I drink fizzy drinks or I slurp, my gut is an unhelpful twerp. The gases increase, but I get no release because I’m simply unable to…
LYNN: Burp?
SAGAL: Yes. Very good.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: A Reddit forum is bringing together sufferers of so-called no burp syndrome, the complete inability to burp. It is a real medical condition known as retrograde cricopharyngeus dysfunction, or RCPD. Basically, if you think it’s embarrassing to burp in public, try an awkward silence that lasts your whole life.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: And here’s the thing. There’s now a cure. Doctors inject Botox into a muscle in your throat that allows the muscle to relax and work properly. Plus, your esophagus looks years younger.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: All right. Here is your next limerick.
KURTIS: The open front sweater’s a star again. The love for this look is bipartisan. Brad Pitt knows it’s better. Wear Fred Rogers’ sweater. Yes, everyone’s loving a…
LYNN: Cardigan?
SAGAL: Cardigan. Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: You are good at this.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: The cardigan sweater, originally, you know, known from Mr. Rogers and your grandma in case it gets chilly, is now a cozy status symbol for the rich and famous. According to The Guardian, cardigan sales have skyrocketed after main characters in TV shows like “Beef” and “Succession” have worn them. Some think that these cardigans make these people look, quote, “unthreatening” and, quote, “relatable” because there’s nothing like seeing somebody in a $400 cashmere cardigan that makes you say, huh. All of a sudden, I want Rupert Murdoch to read me a bedtime story.
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: Do you think this is Putin’s next move? Just, like…
(LAUGHTER)
BURKE: …Bare-chested with a little…
SAGAL: Cardigan. Everybody likes him again.
BURBANK: Riding a lion.
SAGAL: No, it’s all part…
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Also wearing a cardigan. Here is your last limerick, Lynn.
KURTIS: The crab walks and bear crawls look funny. They pack quite a punch for my money. Animal flow is the new way to go. To get fit, I will hop like a…
LYNN: Bunny?
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: The latest look in fitness circles is jacked bunny rabbit. Gyms and teachers around the country are now offering, quote, “animal flow” workouts based on the movements of animals, like bunny hopping, crab crawling, clam digging and being eaten by a fox.
(LAUGHTER)
FARSAD: This is the demise of empire that we are witnessing.
SAGAL: It really is.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I mean, at this point, we’re so into our latter days. Why can’t it just end? It’s true.
BURBANK: I’m moving like a 14-year-old dachshund.
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: That’s the animal flow that I choose…
SAGAL: Yeah.
BURBANK: …To follow for my personal path. Put a cardigan on, lay down and stare at my belly.
FARSAD: And take a nap.
SAGAL: If all of those animal workouts sound too taxing, you can start with the opossum, where you fall over and pretend to be dead until they carry you out of the gym.
BURKE: Wait. Did they say one of the – you’re supposed to look like a jacked bunny? Is that what they say?
SAGAL: Yeah. Well, the idea is you’re supposed – the…
BURKE: But jacked rabbit is right there.
SAGAL: Dang.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, how did Lynn do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Lynn did us proud. She got every one right.
SAGAL: Congratulations, Lynn.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Lynn, thank you so much for playing. Take care.
LYNN: Bye.
SAGAL: Bye-bye.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, “TITI ME PREGUNTO”)
BAD BUNNY: (Singing in Spanish).
SAGAL: It’s now time for our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can – each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the score?
KURTIS: We have a three-way tie.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Three-way tie. All right. We’re just going to go down the table. I’m going to pick Adam to go first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank, Adam. On Wednesday, President Biden said that a deal on the blank could happen as early as next week.
BURKE: Debt ceiling.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Wednesday, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle said they had gotten in a near-catastrophic car chase with blank.
BURKE: Paparazzi.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: As the G-7 summit begins, the U.S. announced plans to expand sanctions on blank.
BURKE: Russia?
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Tuesday, Colorado Congressperson Blank filed for divorce from her husband.
BURKE: Is that Marjorie Taylor Greene?
SAGAL: No, she’s from Georgia. This is Lauren Boebert. Although I understand why you confused them.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: On Wednesday, clinical trials of a universal blank vaccine began.
BURKE: COVID?
SAGAL: Flu, actually. This week, a man in Colorado who was pulled over for reckless driving…
(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)
SAGAL: …Attempted to avoid arrest by blanking.
BURKE: Would it be, by any chance, Peter…
SAGAL: Yes, Adam.
BURKE: …Did he try to switch places with his dog and make it look like the dog was driving the car?
SAGAL: Why, Adam, it was that.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: That’s what happened.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Police said they could clearly see the man put his dog in the driver’s seat and jump over to the passenger seat…
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: …As they approached the car.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Would’ve worked, though, except the dog was also totally smashed.
BURKE: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
FARSAD: Oh, I love that story.
SAGAL: Bill, how did Adam do in our quiz?
KURTIS: Four right. Eight more points, 11, and he enjoys the lead.
SAGAL: There you are. All right. Next up is Negin. Negin, please fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the governor of Montana signed a law banning social media site blank.
FARSAD: TikTok.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Thursday, Russia launched its ninth wave of missile attacks against blank.
FARSAD: Ukraine?
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, Deutsche Bank agreed to pay over $75 million to the victims of blank.
FARSAD: Donald Trump.
SAGAL: Ah, no.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Jeffrey Epstein. According to new data, blank prices have dropped to their lowest point in 11 years.
FARSAD: Gas?
SAGAL: Home prices. Proving that people can change their ways, a Chicago man on probation for selling fake White Sox tickets blanked this week.
FARSAD: Sold more fake White Sox tickets.
SAGAL: No. He got busted for selling fake Cubs hats.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: On Tuesday, two poultry workers in England tested positive for the new strain of blank flu.
FARSAD: Bird flu?
SAGAL: Yes. On Thursday…
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: YouTube announced plans to add 30-second unskippable blank to its app.
FARSAD: Unskippable ads.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, sports legend Bo Jackson revealed…
(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)
SAGAL: …He’d recently tried to get rid of his chronic hiccups by blanking.
FARSAD: Farting.
SAGAL: No, by smelling a porcupine’s butt.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bo Jackson, who was famously an all-star in football, baseball and porcupine intimacy, has been suffering…
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: …From hiccups for over a year and has tried everything to cure them, and we mean everything. While sniffing a porcupine’s butt did not stop his hiccups, it did lead to the Lincoln Park Zoo getting the weirdest five-star review of all time.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, how did Negin do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Pretty good. Four right, eight more points, and her 11 ties her right now with Adam. Very close.
SAGAL: Wow. So that means that Luke needs how many to win?
KURTIS: Five to win.
SAGAL: All right, Luke, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, the Supreme Court ruled that blank was not liable for terror-related content on the site.
BURBANK: Social media sites?
SAGAL: I’ll give it to you. It’s Twitter.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: According to a whistleblower report, the blank church has a secret $100 billion hedge fund.
BURBANK: The Mormon church.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, a key defense attorney stepped down from blank’s classified documents case.
BURBANK: Trump’s.
SAGAL: Yes. On Thursday…
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: …It was reported that Senator Blank suffered from additional complications following her shingles diagnosis.
BURBANK: Feinstein.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, a man in Chicago attempting to rob a subway left empty-handed after he demanded the cashier give him blank.
BURBANK: Soft power.
SAGAL: No. Give him…
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: …Quote, “all the bread.”
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: So they did. On Wednesday, a judge ruled that Theranos founder blank must report to prison on May 30.
BURBANK: Elizabeth Holmes.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: According to a new study, before their extinction, 1.7 billion blanks walked the earth.
BURBANK: Platypus.
SAGAL: T. rexes. Platypuses are still here.
BURBANK: Oh.
(LAUGHTER)
BURBANK: You learn something new every week on the show.
SAGAL: This week, two people in Texas who hid from police…
(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)
SAGAL: …In the attic of a restaurant were caught when one of them blanked.
BURBANK: Fell through the ceiling.
SAGAL: Exactly right, into the men’s bathroom.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: The couple were fleeing the scene of an accident. They looked for a place to hide from police and also a place to be caught in the most embarrassing way possible. Sure, falling through a floor into a toilet stall was tough on the fugitives. But can you imagine being in line at the restaurant to get your food and then hearing that noise from the bathroom?
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: They’re all like, yeah, you know, maybe we’ll just go to Sweetgreen.
BURBANK: This isn’t Taco John’s.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, did Luke do well enough to win?
KURTIS: They’re not going to boo him anymore – six right, 12 more points. Fifteen is the winner.
SAGAL: Well, congratulations, Luuuke.
BURBANK: Thank you. Go ride a lion.
SAGAL: Now, panel, who will grace the cover of a major magazine next? Adam Burke.
BURKE: You will be on the cover of Narcissists Monthly, as next issue will be, as every issue is, just a mirror on the front cover.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Negin Farsad.
FARSAD: Steve Buscemi is going to go all stars in pickleball, and he’s going to appear wearing hot shorts.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: And Luke Burbank.
BURBANK: Kyrie Irving on the cover of Round Earth Believers Monthly.
(LAUGHTER)
KURTIS: Well, if any of that happens, we’re going to ask you about it on WAIT WAIT… DON’T TELL ME.
SAGAL: Thank you, Bill Kurtis. Thanks also to Adam Burke, Negin Farsad, Luke Burbank.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Studebaker. And thanks to all of you for listening. I am Peter Sagal. We’ll see you next week.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC)
SAGAL: This is NPR.
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