Chimney Sweep

America’s Crappy Plumbers, Bloomin’ Terrible Florists, and Soiled Cleansing Corporations

(Photo: Bruce Ryan (Sherwood Florist); Aaron Harris (The Perennial Gardener): Kelly (Eufloria); Steven Lemaster (Bokay))

See our ultimate crowdsourcing card from punny company in America.

A person’s home is their lock – and as anyone who has ever owned one knows, even metaphorical locks need plenty of very real maintenance. Fortunately, there are armies of dedicated plumbers, housekeepers, and florists ready to provide the best of service all over America. The kind that gets into the ribs with a smile and a linguistic nudge.

Each of these hospitable pun-loving subgenres have their own distinctive movements. Florists are pretty much all show-offs (“Flower herb“? For real?). Those who specialize in sewage, dirt, and other facts of life tend to choose one of two pun-pathways – they either indulge in their chosen materials (see: Chimney sweep with ash wiping; The Butt Hut Comfort Stations) or increase it (A royal flush; Wide beauty). And several service companies got names straight from bad pornography (College hunks haul junk, everyone?)

(Photo: Michael Keys)

Here’s what you should know about this new breed of house pest:

– A foray into the home service industry is surprisingly full of sex (Talk dirty to me; Hung-Rite garage door) and violence (Natural cleansers; Close quickly). It’s safer to do your own dirty work – say bye UN piece cleaner, a laundromat in New York, NY.

-Of the 4 Sherwood Florists, only 1 is actually in a town called Sherwood (in Wisconsin).

– Florists are real cinephiles – our list alludes to Forrest Gump, Laurel and Hardy, The Lone Ranger and It’s a Wonderful Life.

– For the same reason, the Windy City suppliers of portable toilets are Hibernophile – Chicago has both Pot O’Gold and much less subtle LepreCAN.

Editor favorites:


Flowery and hardy (Oklahoma City, OK)
Fancy plants (Savannah, GA)
The lonely arranger (Ingleside, TX)
The petal pusher (Decatur, AL)

Cleaning, Housekeeping & Laundromats

Chimney sweep with ash wiping (Vernon Hills IL & St. Louis, MO)
Mr. Smarty colors (Austin, TX)
Tree musketeers (San Antonio, Texas)
Sweet pea sewers & septic tank (Missoula, MT)

Portable bathroom

Call before (Broad Canal, NY)
LepreCAN (Chicago, Illinois)
The throne depot (Woburn, MA)

And here is the list of the other categories:


Bar / pubs

Other (including retail stores, vape shops, and many thread stores)

Doctors and Dentists

Food truck

Animal care


Hair / nail salons

(Photo: Olivia)

And here is the full list.


Bokay Florist
Enchanted florist
Eufloria flowers
Unusual plants
Flowery and hardy
Florist Gump
Flower herb
Flowers for the people
Rhythm and blossoms
Sherwood Florist
Seattle, WA
Sherwood, WI
Dayton, Ohio
Claremont, California
The enchanted florist
The lonely arranger
The perennial gardener
The petal pusher
Plus petals

Portable toilets:

A royal flush
A Royal Flush, Inc.
Call before
Gaz-Bah mini shop
Jackpot refurbishment
Pot of Gold
The Butt Hut Comfort Stations
The throne depot

Cleaning services:

Chimney sweep with ash wiping
Aschewischer Chimney Sweep Inc.
College hunks haul junk
Heavenly scent
Hung-Rite garage door
Mr. Smarty Paints
Natural cleaners
Close quickly
Spokane House of Pants
Wide beauty
Sweet pea sewers & septic tank
Talk to me dirty
Tree musketeers
UN piece cleaner
Wash that
We wash it

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