Why I Select to Increase My Household in San Francisco

Photo courtesy of Janice Tam.

We’ve all been through that. A well-meaning friend/family member/colleague knows what is best for you, for your future children, and for your life. They have advice and you want to take it seriously because they have children! What do you know?

That’s where I found myself in 2008. I had just gotten the job that allowed us – me and my then-boyfriend, now husband, Markus – to move from San Jose to the city.

“We’re going to be in town forever,” I protested over my microwave lunch.

“But you want a room and a backyard for each child. You need space for an au pair and storage space for all the children’s things,” my colleague replied. “Once you have kids, you’ll want to move back to the suburbs.”

I looked at my colleague; a mother of two elementary school-age children, former Noe Valley resident, currently residing in San Mateo.

“You’ll change your mind once you have kids,” she said. “You see.”

“No, I don’t think so,” I replied, a little more uncertain this time.

Markus and I packed up and moved into a one bedroom in Mission Bay. We left the car and started taking Caltrain to jobs on the Peninsula. We finally made it into town.

In 2012 we had a baby girl, Heike, and were determined not to return to the suburbs. In a city that reportedly has more dogs than children, we expected San Francisco to have little to offer our growing family.

We traded event calendars for the Golden Gate Mother’s Group. We dived into a world of playgrounds, museums and spreadsheets for preschoolers. We knew when Teacher Jim was leading the reading session in the main library. We had a strategy for the San Francisco Unified School District lottery. We have found our people.

Heike learned to walk on the Mission Creek Promenade in front of a backdrop of houseboats. When that got too tight, we ventured on to the Embarcadero. We used car sharing when we wanted to explore the larger Bay Area.

In 2014 we welcomed our second daughter Saskia and moved to Potrero Hill. Our world now revolved around Recess, Jackson and the Arkansas Rec Center playgrounds and the Potrero Hill library. All within a two block radius of our house. Muni routes connected us to everything. A walk down the hill brings us to Crane Cove Park. A beach! Half a mile away!

Both children now attend Daniel Webster Elementary. We are fully embedded in the community. The children growing up in the city are exposed to the realities of humanity that lead us as parents to model empathy and teach safety on the streets.

Parenting is never easy, but parenting in San Francisco is both a challenge and a joy. Thinking back to those newborn days of where we are now, I know we made the right decision to stay. Ten years after becoming parents, we wouldn’t trade any of that for a third bedroom in the suburbs.