John Leslie Darby
December 5, 1926 – July 28, 2023
John Leslie Darby died in San Francisco, July 28th, 2023. Born Dec 5th, 1926, in Vancouver, Canada, the son of the late Ida May Mallory & Leslie Darby. In Nov 2014, John was preceded in death by Jack Bird. his loving companion since 1959 and spouse since November 2008. John’s sisters Dorothy Buck & Marjory Evans also preceded him, but in his 90’s he was often quoted as saying “getting old is tough but beats the alternative.” He is survived by his sisters’ families as well as extended family members here and in Oregon – the Wenrick/Barnett/Greenough clans of the Bay Area, and the McLoughlin family of Medford, Oregon.
John entered Stanford at 17 and earned his bachelors in 1950, but not before his education was interrupted by being drafted to serve in the Army at the end of World War II. He became a naturalized citizen in 1945 and served his country again in the Korean conflict and was a noted expert rifleman. His experiences abroad, along with Jack’s, led them to an enjoyment of travel and art collecting. They managed to curate a small museum during their 50+ years together and to tastefully arrange the majority of it in their SF Towers apartment when they downsized from their long-time Mill Valley home in 1998. While their style was impeccable, the stories behind each piece were equally delightful. They became well enough known as collectors that art houses in SF and abroad would save special pieces for them, especially stick pins, leading to an impressive collection.
While a graduate student in Audiology at Stanford University in 1953, John L. Darby was appointed the first Rotary Fellow in Audiology at the San Francisco Hearing Center, where he continued as a Clinical Audiologist until 1956. He was then appointed the Executive Director of the Hearing Society for the Bay Area, where he concentrated on the development of rehabilitative and social services and program administration in the field of deafness/hearing impairment. He would be the executive director for the next 36 years until he retired in 1992. Ironically, John was not himself hard of hearing till 1972 when he suffered an ototoxic reaction to medication, and it only deepened his tireless advocacy for the hard of hearing. The committee service and awards during his professional career read like a Who’s Who of charity and advocacy. Plaques proclaiming things like 30 Years United Way service and “Award for Excellence” adorned the couple’s office shelving. John served in advocacy roles ranging from the Mayor’s Disability Council to shepherding the California State Deaf & Disabled Telecommunications program. An example of his level of influential impact was helping “secure the passage of legislation requiring captioning and sign language in emergency announcements on TV.” Access to services and education was a hallmark of John’s leadership of the Hearing society and influenced legislative bodies at a time when the needs of people with disabilities were not top of mind.
In retirement, John & Jack became literal cornerstone residents of the San Francisco Towers, signing up for an apartment before designs were finished and moving into the building in 1998. John was involved in the community from the start, and nobody could miss their “lion” of a cat, Big Red, who was the true head of the household. John continued to be very active in advocacy on behalf of both residents and staff, with multiple terms on the Residents Council, including a term as President. In addition to tireless work on behalf of the social aspects of hearing impairment, John also became an advocate for equal access and rights for elder same-sex couples facing discrimination.
John and Jack started their relationship under the radar due to the cultural environment when they began, but over time they became a bright example of long-term love going mainstream. They were honored in 2007 by KQED and Kaiser Permanente as “LGBT Heroes” for integrated housing work and made international press fame with a published news article titled “Gay Love in America” in 2013. As one of the first gay couples to move in together at a mainstream community, despite some rules at the time that required a two-bedroom apartment, they were especially delighted to celebrate their formal marriage in 2008 with their friends in the community.
The family also wishes to extend a special thanks for the expert and caring services of the healthcare staff, both outpatient and inpatient, at San Francisco Towers while John resided in Skilled nursing for 18 months following a fall that found him needing more daily activity support.
At the request of the deceased, no services are being held. Final arrangements by Neptune Society. He requested memorial contributions to the “Fairy Godfathers Fund” at the Horizons Foundation, 550 Montgomery Street, Suite 700, San Francisco, CA 94111
Published by San Francisco Chronicle on Aug. 5, 2023.
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